The word ‘submissiveness’ means inclined or ready to submit or yield to the authority of another. The biblical concept of Submissiveness simply means the call of one to affirm and honour the leadership of their partner. It is a trait that requires strength and trust, a role given to the womenfolk towards their husbands. Ephesians 5:22 & 23 say, “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body.” Submissiveness does not imply inherent inferiority. Christ is equal in status to the Father but willingly submits himself to his Father’s will.[1] Christ was willing and became a servant to all mankind to free us from our servitude to sin. He laid down His life so we could be free. Jesus said, “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many”.[2] Likewise, Jesus told His disciples: “A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master”.[3] “Whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant”.[4]
Christ made himself a servant just for our redemption, so husbands ought to follow in the footsteps of Christ. Husbands and wives are co-labourers – servants in the home. They are equal in value and worth to God, since both are created in God’s image. But, based on God’s design, men and women assume different roles in the marriage relationship. So, husbands more specifically should occupy the servant leader position.
When the husband understands his position as the servant leader, it becomes easier for the wife to willingly submit to him. In the long run, it helps both in fulfilling their God – given responsibilities.
What submissiveness entails
Submissiveness in this context therefore entails a voluntary and willing heart ready, to serve another. It pictures firstly, a wife who loves her husband[5]. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 provides what love is and what it is not. It says Love is patient and kind. It does not envy nor boast, and it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, is not self-seeking and is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs and does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres etc.
Although the Bible has specifically mandated wives to be submissive to their husbands, the truth is that when a man loves and respects his wife, submissiveness will come naturally and easily. No doubt, any man will love a submissive wife. However, a wife who is maltreated or who gets beaten by the husband at every slightest provocation might find it difficult to be submissive to the husband. The husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. This is because he who loves his wife loves himself.[6] For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,[7] because we are members of His body.[8] Again, husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.[9] This is clearly demonstrated in that, while we were yet sinners, He died for us.[10] The man should be willing to sacrifice everything to protect and care for his wife.
Secondly, submissiveness entails a wife who respects her husband. She is not combative or quarrelsome.[11] Ephesians 5:33 says, the wife should see that she respects her husband. A wife ought to treat her husband with respect. However, respect should be both ways. Thus, while 1 Corinthians 7:34 says that the married woman is concerned about how she can please her husband; verse 33 of the same chapter says husbands are also concerned about how to please their wives. Wives will therefore respect their husbands in their speech, dress, behaviour etc.
The Bible referenced many women who were submissive to their husbands. Some of them are: Mary, the Mother of our Lord Jesus Christ, Ruth, Esther and Deborah to mention but a few.
Mary was the wife of Joseph and the mother of our Lord, Jesus Christ, she was conceived by the Holy Spirit and was a virgin. She is often called, “the Virgin Mary”.[12] She was residing in Nazareth when the Angel Gabriel announced to her that she would be the mother of the promised Messiah. Of course, it would not have been easy for a young girl who was only engaged to her fiancé. It would have been difficult to imagine how anyone could believe what the angel of the Lord had said to her. Mary may not have been perfect, but one thing stood for her, she was willing to be used by God regardless of the consequences of being pregnant, even though unmarried. Interestingly, both Mary and Joseph submitted to the leading of Angel Gabriel.
Thirdly, submissiveness entails a wife who is loyal and obeys her husband. 1 Peter 3:5-6 says, “For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement”.
Ruth was one of the two women of Moab who had married the two sons of Elimelech and Naomi, Judeans, who had settled in Moab to escape a famine in Bethlehem – Judah.[13] When the husbands of all three women died, Naomi planned to return to Judah and urged her daughters-in-law to return to their families. Orpah went home, but Ruth refused to leave Naomi and pledged, “Where you go, I will go; where you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die, I will die – there will I be buried.” [14] Ruth’s loyalty to her late husband and mother-in-law kept her by Naomi’s side till they returned to Bethlehem, where she met her husband Boaz, who showed her so much kindness, generosity, and respect. Today, she is one of only five women mentioned in the genealogy of Jesus Christ (along with Tamar, Rahab, Bathsheba, and Mary) in Matthew 1:1-16.
However, it is important to note Acts 5:29 which tend to create an exception where wives will not be expected to obey their husbands. It says, “We must obey God rather than men.” This means that although a wife should obey her husband as an act of submissiveness but when her husband commands her to do anything unbiblical or sinful she should rather obey God than her husband.
[2] Matt. 20:28.
[3] Matt. 10:24.
[4] Matt. 20:26.
[5] Titus 2:4; Eph 5:33
[6] Eph 5:28.
[7] Eph 5: 29
[8] Eph 5: 30.
[9] Eph 5:25.
[10] Rom 5:8
[11] Prov 19:13.
[12] Matt 2:11; Matt 1:23; Lk 1:27; Acts 1:14.
[13] Ruth 1:1
[14] Ruth 1:16–17.